Soooo much going on

Hey Everybody, I won't even waste either of our time but commenting on how long it's been since I posted, making excuses, or making promises about "keeping up" on my posts. I just want to fill you all on whats been going on in my life because it's been kind of crazy. First of all not really most important but just the first thing to come to mind is that my old car was finally actually on it's last let/tire whatever so I finally got rid of it and traded it in for my "new baby" Petey. Petey is a 2009 Pt.Cruiser. He has made my life so much better (except for giving me car payments again.... but that's OK.) Next is that I was recently (re-diagnosed) with Type 2 Diabetes. When I was 12 years old and everything else in my life was changing I was told that I was pre-diabetic and had insulin resistance there is still confusion on whether that was the same thing or two different things but I guess at this point it doesn't really matter. The doctors at that point made it very clear that it was reversible, with diet, exercise, and weight loss. I currently have very bitter feelings about that not necessarily being true due to the fact that I have changed my life (even though technically I had fallen off the wagon)I mean I've lost 40 pounds and NOT gained it back and yet here is that damned diabetes again. Oh and let me "reassure" you it is no longer PRE-diabetes, or insulin resistance, but FULL FLEDGED super high sugar levels diabetes that is "supposedly" no longer reversible. I am according to my doctor on diabetic pills for the rest of my life. Also if I'm "lucky" I won't have to go on insulin. If you haven't been able to pick up on my anger.... I'm pretty damn disgusted by this whole ordeal. I'm waiting on my first appointment to meet with a diabetic educator but while so far I'm pleased with the office that does this, I am pretty, um whats the word? Skeptical about this because from my experience in the past there's not much luck with balancing diabetic dieting and weightloss dieting. A Diabetic diet is sooooo precise. I don't know I've also been being told alot lately.... by my best friend and family who btw I don't think my best friend has EVER read this blog... if I'm wrong let me know, that I've been extremely negative lately, which I'm noticing this post is. BUt I'm soo sorry forgive me. I'm going a little crazy at the moment. ANYWHO enough... "playing the victim" or being a "negative nelly" both things I've been called through this ordeal. On the bright side I have thrown myself completely back into my gym routine actually feeling pretty great about it. And attempting to get my diet back under control which by the way is again my biggest obsticall. (sp?) Ok enough blabbing anyways starbucks is literally about to kick me out... last thing. I've really been throwing myself back into my faith too. I'm not a leader with my churches high school ministry which I love and am really feeling like it's going to be a great thing in my life. Also just praying daily and trying to make everything in my life about and for GOD. ok so thats whats been going on with me... BYE

HAPPY!!!!!!!

Hey Everybody,

I know it's been like FOREVER. But thats ok cause SOOO much has changed for me :) I'm literally starting to cry right now because I'm so inspired. Who you may ask has inspired me? MYSELF!!! I have been through alot... But I started this journey two long years ago, but I have NEVER QUIT. I've been challenged in ways I never thought I would be in the last two weeks. And I'm surprising myself. Let me explain whats been going on in my life the last couple of months.

Feb 1st was my birthday... the BIG 25. It totally freaked me out. Mostly because when I was younger I had all these BIG plans and I felt like by the time I reached 25 I should have made it, I would be married and looking towards having children. Well, I am pretty far from there considering I've never been on a date let alone in a relationship, in love, engaged, married, or considering having children. It's nuts. However I can't dwell on that because I am moving up in life. I'm making alot of my dreams come true. And I'm sure having a relationship won't be far off, once I get to that point.

One dream that I am experiencing and am very happy with right now is that for Christmas I got hired as a Nanny. :D I am taking care of four beautiful little girls that live 3 miles away from my house. I for the first time in my life, LOVE my job. And I sooooo enjoy saying that. Now don't get me wrong, no job is perfect but I just can't imagine complaining about this one after wanting it for so long. This new job has also helped me move forward in my goal to be more financially responsible. Which trust me, is something I've never been very good at.

Lastly is something that has thrown me for a complete loop. For my birthday my parents purchased for me..... GET THIS>>>>>> A PERSONAL TRAINER!!!!!!!!!!!! :D Isn't that amazing? This is another dream I've had since beginning my weightloss journey. I've had such high hopes of having a personal trainer and the things I would learn and the results I would have. Now because of extenuating circumstances (death and sickness) It took about 3 weeks after the intial presentation of my trainer to be able to meet and workout together. Our workouts have been going great. I've learned how to use new machines I never dreamed of using. But in addition to that, I have begun to push myself to new heights. For instance tonight while at the gym I RAN on the tredmill, now just to make sure I'm clear, this is not JOGGING, RUNNING. lol I never thought it possible. If your familiar with speeds on a tredmill, I usually walk at a 3.0-3.2 Last Monday a friend of mine pushed me to jog at 4.2 for???? I don't know how long. half a song, lol. But tonight at the gym, I pushed MYSELF to run at 5.0 for 30 seconds. I was encouraged to do this by watching The Biggest Loser :) of course. You don't have to start running for 15 minutes, start at small increments then work your way up. I mean in the past I've always HATED the tredmill. But it's an amazing workout and I want to challenge myself.

Now part of the reason for emotion and the beginning of this post is because for the last few days I have been having a problem with my current personal trainer. I won't go into detail but to sum it up he has hurt my feelings on more than one occasion and made me feel like crap (which I've been fighting) and this discourages me and the old me would have gave up immediately and said, "I've failed, just like I always do, I can't do this" But as many people in the last couple of weeks and months have pointed out to me, I started this journey, I have not given up, and I can continue. I'm here to say they are right and I WILL continue. This journey is between ME and GOD. Anybody else involved is purely there to HELP. I am the one making this happen and I will not let anybody discourage me or stop me from making my dream come true, I've come to far to let anybody get in my way. I am declaring May 19th my sisters wedding day as my "comming out party" I will present the "new me" to all my family and loved ones. If they haven't already seen, they will then see a new and improved Kelly. A woman who loves herself and is HAPPY. If I can make it through this I can make it through anything.

Now it is waaaaay past MY bedtime and I can guarentee those 4 little girls will not understand me being extremely tired tommorow becuase I had to go workout and write in my blog tonight lol. So to close this post I would like to thank all of you who have been with me on this journey encouraging me and listening to me. This journey is not over, in a way I've only just begun. But lets continue on this journey. Hopefully it won't be another 4 months before we reunite. But if it is I'll be yet again another new woman and that point. GOODNIGHT ALL :)

TOnights ENcouraging SOng......

Free to be me.
Album: My Paper Heart
Artist: Francesca Battistelli



At twenty years of age I'm still looking for a dream
A war's already waged for my destiny
But You've already won the battle
And You've got great plans for me
Though I can’t always see

(Chorus)
‘Cause I got a couple dents in my fender
Got a couple rips in my jeans
Try to fit the pieces together
But perfection is my enemy
On my own I'm so clumsy
But on Your shoulders I can see
I'm free to be me

When I was just a girl I thought I had it figured out
My life would turn out right, and I'd make it here somehow
But things don't always come that easy
And sometimes I would doubt

(Chorus)

And you’re free to be you

Sometimes I believe that I can do anything
Yet other times I think I've got nothing good to bring
But You look at my heart and You tell me
That I've got all You seek
And it’s easy to believe
Even though

I got a couple dents in my fender
Got a couple rips in my jeans
Try to fit the pieces together
But perfection is my enemy
On my own I'm so clumsy
But on Your shoulders I can see
I'm free to be me

Impossible?..... NOT!!!!

Hey Everybody,

So I have this renewed spirit in me... I have yet to test it in the gym but that doesn't even matter because I am so excited about this right now. I do have negative thoughts but I'm trying my hardest to not let those get to me. Not entirely but part of this excited feeling is due to a song I heard for the first time on The Biggest Loser from like two weeks ago that I was yes just "getting around" to seeing tonight. SO the song is called Impossible by Kate Earl and I found it on Youtube and just keep playing it over and over. I feel like it explains so well the things I've been going through on my journey. So here's the lyrics... if I can figure it out I'm going to try to put the video on here but you know me... who knows if it'll work lol.

no matter how hard
no matter how tough
there is no turning back
no way you’ll ever give up on me
no matter how dark
no matter how deep
the challenges may be
you’re gonna find me right here
always right beside you
What ever curve
life may throw
we’re in it together
cause you and i
are building our dream
they say impossible
they say it can’t be done
can’t break us down cause we’re unstoppable
they say too difficult
that it could never work
they think that we’ve been tryin for too long
but i know better
i know that we’re about to show them all
no matter how sick
no matter how tired
frustrated i become
you never let me give into that
no matter who sees
no matter who thinks
that they can put you down
go on and hold your head high honey
circumstances for worse or better
are no excuse to forfeit our dreams
they say impossible
they say it can’t be done
can’t break us down cause we’re unstoppable
they say too difficult
that it could never work
they think that we’ve been tryin for too long
they can say what they want to
anyway it never matters what they think
they’re still blind and we’re still free
i know i know i know...
they say impossible they say it can’t be done can’t break us down cause we’re unstoppable they say too difficult that it could never work they think that we’ve been tryin for too long but i know better but i know we’ll prove them wrong cause i know better i know that we’re about to show them all

Ok the only thing with this song is that when it's said "They say... They can't" for me all of those things are the things I was telling myself. I didn't think it was possible. I believed all of those things about myself and about the things I was trying to do in my life. I don't for sure know when things but man am I glad they did. I just wish I could inspire that change in other people. But for now I'm determined to just be happy with what I've done for myself and to keep it happening.


I finally jumped off the platue (sp?) I've been on for like.... I don't know a REALLY really long time. I was stuck at the 195lbs mark for months... honestly almost a year. I've gotten past that though. I got back to the gym and honestly I thought my workouts sucked lately I didn't feel like I was doing the best I could. But it paid off anyways. I lost 3 pounds. I know I know 3 pounds is nothing compared to the 30-35 I've already lost but I was stuck for so long and honestly that 30-35 lbs added up because of the 2,3,4 pound weight losses. I started this journey at a size 24 or 3X. Just the other day i bought (shouldn't have but did anyway :/) a pair of pants that are a size.... GET THIS... 16!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so excited.


I never thought i could do this but now I've proven that I CAN. Some people even myself sometimes and people that love me that it's taken too long. Well yes maybe it has but I'm just glad it's happening at all and fact is... yes FACT that people who lose their weight slowly have a better chance of keeping it off PERMANENTLY!!!! Thats what I'm going for here a life change... a healthy life for the rest of my life.


I have so much to say but I really need to get to bed and this has been long enough as it is. lol I hope you all enjoyed this post. I'm hoping now that I've gotten all this feeling out I won't be as emotional as I have been the last week. BYE p.s. I love you all for being on this journey with me. THANK YOU!!!!