*While looking for those other two posts I had written but lost I also found this one which was from the first day of my workout journey. I never even knew I lost it. I think I either forgot about it or thought I posted it and it never really posted. :( I would normally just delete it but i feel like it's a really good post and tells you alot. So i'm posting it now.... Enjoy :) *
Hey all,

So I'm sitting here watching the biggest loser with my mom. Honestly it hasn't been as inspiring as some of the other episodes. Except for one part, there's one of the contestants who thought it was a sign of weakness to cry and be emotional which is so not true in this show and especially in the weightloss journey. I was so frustrated when she wouldn't open up and talk about what was weighing her down she wanted to leave the show. I was furious, there's so many people in the country who want to be on this show (of course including me) and anybody who watches the show or has gone through the journey knows that it's not just the physical that changes when you lose the weight and it's not only the physical that you need to work on. It's also the emotional. You have to figure out what your baggage is so to speak. Find out whats going on inside of you that makes you want to just eat and eat and not exercise. Obviously I have not figured this out yet for myself or I wouldn't still be 120 lbs overweight. And if you go through the weightloss journey and try not to figure out the emotional or deny that there is an emotional tie to your weight problem you will either fail or succeed temporarily then end up putting all that weight back on. Personally I think this is where my problem is. Honestly I know how to lose the weight. I know what I should and shouldn't eat. I know how long and how often I need to do what exercises. I have some kind of emotional head game going on with my self that is holding me back and I think that is why the Biggest Loser would help me so much..... because they broach ALL of the faces of weight problems. IF there are contestants on the show that do not agree or feel they need to deal with these problems to be successful they are just plain full of shit and don't deserve to be on the show when there are those of us out here who know that is part of the journey and are ready to have the shit emotionally beat out of us so that we can be healthy happy people in the long run. Wow that was a really long rant but I feel better now :)

Moving on.... I had my first "meeting" at the gym this morning. It went well but wasn't exactly what I was expecting. It went by really fast. We (the trainer and I) did a fitness evaluation. I am allowed 3 free ones a year with my gym membership. I did 11 sit ups and walked 1 mile in 18 minutes which is pretty good for me. Then the girl took my heart rate and said it was very good considering my condition. I'm meeting with her again next tuesday to set up a routine with the weight machines and everything. I hope to get in there two more times before then on my own.